Second Chance in life
by Mr Alenko
Summary: After the death of John Shepard on the Collector base Kaidan was named the new Commander of the Normandy. Now kaidan had to finish what Shepard stared, but a distress call coming from one of the Cerberus base would change many things.
1. Chapter 1

Kaidan entered his cabin on the Normandy; they had just arrived from Palaven, from rescue the primary to oftener the necessary assistance in this war, but now he had to deal with the Crogan. He wished that John was here, but John died defending the Collector and now he was the new commander of the Normandy.

Kaidan went to the whiskey bottle that John had in the cabin and poured himself a drink. It was hard for him to be here. In spite of the way he rejected John in the Horizon, by letting his pride and pain speak for him, Kaidan was still madly in love with John. John was his first love. He was the first in everything, in his life. Before John, he had never been with anyone in bed.

John Shepard taught him everything he knows about sex. John helped him be the excellent soldier he is now. Kaidan miss him madly. There wasn't one night he didn't cry for John. The memory overwhelmed him, and now with the reapers, he would have wished that John was his commander to guide him, he felt lost.

Anderson deposits all his trust in Kaidan, and Admiral Hackett too, but it was a heavy weight, now he understood how John felt in his mission against Saren. Garrus Said that after Horizon John wasn't the same as before. Now Kaidan felt guilty for not having believed in him. Garrus, Tali Miranda, Legion and joker, were the only ones that surviving the mission against the Collector. Now Garrus was back on the ship.

After finishing his drink, he headed to the bathroom to take a shower when someone knocked on the door. Kaidan opened the door meeting with Adrian, the ship's doctor and his friend.

"Kaidan do you want some company tonight?" Adrian asked from the door.

Kaidan thought for a moment, it wasn't the company he wanted John is who Kaidan truly want right now, but John was gone. "Ok Adrian comes in."

Adrian entered the cabin. He looked the aquarium. "Nice." He'd never seen an aquarium as large as that one before.

"It was here when I was appointed to Commander of the Normandy."

Adrian approached Kaidan, "hey thanks for giving me the post of doctor in the ship."

"I needed a doctor. Dr. Chakwas died at the collector's base. " He also didn't want to admit, that the presence of his friend relaxed him a lot.

Adrian touching his cheek, "You okay?"

Kaidan looked at Adrian unable to hide the tears. No, he wasn't okay he needed John. "Adrian I ..."

Adrian didn't let he finish, he carried his lips to Kaidan's kissing him tenderly, he knew that Kaidan, was still in love with Shepard, but his friend needed support.

Kaidan put his arms around Adrian. He felt lonely. Adrian had kissed him before in his apartment, but never between them nothing had happened. Adrian had helped him during those two years that he lived in constant pain for the first death of John.

Now he needed more than a kiss, he knew that wasn't the time, everything was chaos outside, but he needed to feel something other than pain. "Adrian I need you."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes ... Please make me forget ..."

Adrian grabbed his hand leading him to the bed, "you have lube?"

"No." Kaidan said a little embarrassed.

"Don't worry I have my way." Adrian put him down on the bed.

Adrian lifted up Kaidan's shirt, slips over his arms, letting it fall to the floor. "You're cute." Adrian then took off his shirt.

Kaidan grab Adrian by the neck taking his lips to Adrian's kissing him desperately. He need to feel, he was tired of suffering. His other hand was unbuttoning his pants.

"Hey, wait ... We have all night gentle Kay ..."

"Can't fuck ... I'm horny it has been so long since you know."

"Well for me too, but I want to enjoy you. Fuck Kay, I've wanted you since we met on that blind date."

"So what you wait for ... Fuck me."

"God ..." Adrian wanted to go slow, but hearing those words lost all control he had ...

* * *

"Commander ... Kaidan," Joker call over the Comm.

Kaidan woke up dazed, he looked around the room Adrian was still slept. "Yes Joker what happens?"

"We are on the radar of a Cerberus base." Joker said.

"Ok Joker that is not our destination is the Citadel."

"Yes, but is that ... We have a distress sigh from the base."

"Ok I'll go to the CIC give me a few minutes."

"I am waiting." Adrian asked softly.

Kaidan looked at Adrian, which was waking up, "Hey handsome."

"Hey, I need to get up ... I just ... Last night was perfect thank you." Kaidan gave him a quick kiss before getting out of bed. "

"It was just one night?"

Kaidan stop for a moment, "I didn't say that Adrian ..." Kaidan could not deny that he haves fun last night with Adrian. He could forget for a moment to John. Kaidan could deny that Adrian made him feel alive again, but not as John making him feels. John made him tremble from head to foot, but Adrian was extremely close.

"Kay I enjoyed last night."

"Me too ..."

* * *

After arriving at the base, and looking for more than ten minutes where the signal was coming from inside, they found a room. It seemed as little laboratory. There were human bodies lying on the floor, they looked as they were scientists who worked there, by the clothes that their bodies were wearing. Kaidan found the console where it came the distress signal, it had blood on it. "James, Liara beware it seems we are not alone."

Indeed Kaidan hadn't just said that when he hears a noise in the other room. James went along, and Kaidan heard a shot. He ran to the room. "James... What the hell!" Kaidan was found face to face with the person he loved most in the world.

"By the gods Shepard." Liara said staring, at Shepard

John let go to James, who had grabbed him by the neck with his arm, "Kay ..."

Kaidan was left in a state of shock for a moment, "John, what ... I don't understand your are-"

"Dead ... I am not the real John Shepard, I'm a clone created by Cerberus, but I have all his memory, and I have his feelings before the Normandy was destroyed." John clone say while staring at Kaidan. Since he woke up, John's clone had wanted to see those eyes again. He wasn't the real Shepard, but he felt like the real Shepard felt, and the last thing he remembered was dying thinking of Kaidan.

"Liara ..." Kaidan look at her. Liara had moved to one of the consoles.

"Kaidan, he's telling the truth. Cerberus clone Shepard. I don't know for what reason I have not gotten to that part yet."

Kaidan saw him bleeding, "What happened?"

"I shoot him I'm sorry I only saw his shadow," James says

Kaidan approached Shepard and examine his shoulder. He applied medicinal gel, "the bullet still inside, the doctor will have to get out."

"Commander." Cortez speaks for the Comm.

"Yes Cortez."

"Cerberus forces are on their way, we got to go."

"Ok prepares the shutter we're on our way."

"Understood."

"Liara brings all necessary information from the consoles." Kaidan motioned for her; he wanted to know what Cerberus was planning with Shepard's clone.

"Shepard, can you walk well." Kaidan ask him, he would be a clone, but he's a human being.

"Yes, just a little dizzy. It's been several days since I send the signal I could not eat anything, or drink anything."

"I don't know if you know, but we are at war."

Shepard looked at him confused, "the reapers?"

"Yes ... Let's go."

* * *

Hours later Kaidan was talking to Liara, John was sedated after Adrian removed the bullet. Liara and Edi explained to him that Cerberus clone Shepard secretly. Cerberus wanted him not to have the memories of the real Shepard because he knew that Shepard was devoted to the Alliance. They used a technique that the prophets invented, but they didn't count on that he would awaken with the memory of the true Shepard.

Edi could get the VI, where Shepard woke up. They saw Shepard's clone, awoke dazed, the first words he said was his name, and his heart sank.

After that the scientists realized that he had the memories of the real Shepard, so they tried to put him down, but Shepard defended himself killing their all before he active the distress signal.

"This is crazy." Kaidan said still a little stunned by so much information. Cerberus would stop until they archive their objective. John Shepard was a fearful and powerful man. Kaidan didn't want to think what would have happened if Cerberus had managed that, Shepard's clone join his side.

"I know. What will you do with him Kaidan?" Liara asked.

"I don't know Liara. Shepard's clone is a human being. I'm not going to send him to some lab so they can study him like a lab rat."

"I didn't expect anything else from you Kaidan. You're right, he is a human being, and we can't forget that he has the memory of Shepard, I think that will affect you more than us."

"Kaidan," Joker speaks from the Comm.

"Yes Joker."

"You have a call from the admirals in the Communications room."

"Ok Joker."

Kaidan left Liara room toward the elevator with all that had passed his head was starting to hurt. He entered the elevator and pressed the button to the second floor. After a moment, he came out of the elevator.

"Traynor."

"Commander."

Kaidan followed up to the Communications room. He still couldn't get used to the staff greet him as Commander. Kaidan entered the room and activate the Comm.

"Admirals." Kaidan greet the admirals

"Commander, we have just received your report. Cerberus clones Shepard?" Hackett says.

"Yes admirals, I still haven't been able to talk well with him. James shot him in the shoulder, and the doctor had to remove the bullet. He is under anesthesia at this time. I'm waiting to wake up, so I can talk to him.

"What do you do want to do with him?" Anderson asked.

Kaidan briefly explain to the Admiral how Shepard killed the Cerberus scientists in self-defense, and how he didn't try to attack them when they arrived. "I think that he can help us now Admiral, Shepard's clone will need training first." Kaidan wasn't thinking about what that decision would affect him personally. He was just thinking in how convenient it would be John's clone abilities, and powers on the battlefield.

"Are you sure we can trust him, he may be a Cerberus spy Commander."

"I'm not saying that I will give him the Command of the ship, what I mean is that I will put him true test. It would be extremely helpful if he could help in the missions. He isn't the real Shepard, but he has his abilities, his powers, and he has knowledge of the reapers. I need all the help I can get. "

Anderson looked directly at Kaidan, "Son I know the story of you and Shepard, and the Admiral also, how do you feel?"

"I'll be fine; I can put my personal issues aside admirals." Kaidan said firmly.

"Very well Commander. I have to say you are doing an excellent job, getting the primary of Palaven was a smart move."

"Thank you."

After completing the session with the admirals, Kaidan headed to the med bay, finding James in the mess room, which he was feeling a little guilty about what happened.

"Commander."

"James, call me Kaidan when we are in the ship."

"Yes, I'm so sorry I didn't know he was the Commander-"

"He is not Commander Shepard."

"Yes right, but I didn't know it was Shepard ... Oh Shepard clone. Damnit this is so complicated."

"I know, I need your help James when Shepard recovers I want him to integrated with us, so I want that anything strange that you see you immediately report to me."

"Understood."

"Kaidan," Adrian called him from the med bay door.

"Yes."

"He is awake and is asking for you." Kaidan head to the med bay, but not before noticing the look of concern that Adrian gave him. "Kay-"

"Later we talked Adrian." Kaidan whisper, so Shepard won't listen.

"Kay ..."

"How do you feel?" Kaidan wonder.

"Better. Can we talk alone?" John said realizing the penetrating gaze the Doctor was giving him.

"Adrian, leave us alone." Kaidan hear Adrian breathe deeply, and then leave the med bay. Kaidan approached the bed.

For a moment, the two stood looking at each other. "Kaidan," John tried to grab his hand.

"No." Kaidan didn't want to be so cold, but it hurt to see the face of the man he loves, let alone touch him.

"I understand. What happened to the real Shepard?" John asked. He knew that he was a clone because the scientists told him, and between what information he found on the consoles, but knew nothing of the real Shepard. He had found it strange that Kaidan was now the commander of the ship.

"He died after he disassemble the Collector's base, is a long story." Kaidan said with sore in his voice, still it hurt so much to talk about it.

"I have time ..."

Kaidan explain him briefly what happened with Shepard, including what happened to their in Horizon. Also, the talk he had with the admirals.

"So want do you want to do with me?" John asked him, knowing that Kaidan will never send him to a lab to study him, as he was some lab rat. The Kaidan that he remembered would do that"

"I will tell Liara, to train your, so you can help me."

"No, I want you to train me, please." John begged.

"Shepard-"

"Is John, always had been John for you."

"You're not John, the man I love."

"I can be I have his memory." John grabbed his hand looking the hurt in his eyes. "I, or he, told you I loved you for the first time the day of the attack."

"Stop ... I. .. I have to see where you are going to stay on the ship. I think the observation room, is indicated-"

"When do you get so hard Kaidan?"

Kaidan wasn't expecting that question; much less he wanted to answer. It wasn't John fault Cerberus makes him. In the way that John was looking at him sent chills through his body, it was the same look that john used to give him.

John at the same time didn't know what happened to Kaidan. The Kaidan he remembers wasn't that bitter man who was standing in front of him. Despite his coldness John could see in Kaidan's eyes, hurt, sadness, anxiety, and love.

"You do not know what it is to lose the man you love twice," he started to say. He sounded angry, and his eyes were burning, for holding up the tears for so long, "it hurts a lot. You learn that love brings only pain, so this man that you see here, it's empty, it's only a shadow of what it's was before ... I'll come later, and yes I'll train you. "Kaidan headed to the door.

"I love you ... Baby." John said without a second thought, is not his fault that at organization has created him and that he haves the memories of John Shepard, therefore, felt such much love for that man. He can remember Kaidan's touch on his skin.

Kaidan stop a moment, John always called him baby, and he turned around. For a moment, he look at those blue eyes that he longed for so long, and he couldn't longer hold back the tears, but he couldn't say a word. Kaidan felt a lump in his throat that prevented him from speaking.

He turned around and headed for the elevator, ignoring those in the mess room, Kaidan needed to be alone, to think, to cry. His head was about to explode...

John wiped the tears, and tried to get up, but the door opened, and Liara stopped him. "Shepard doesn't get up the bed ."

John looked at her, "I want to go to Kaidan. I... Damnit." John grabbed his shoulder.

"No, you need to rest." She said laying him on the bed.

"What happened to Kaidan, he is so different from the man of my memories."

For a bit Liara said nothing, everyone knew how he had suffered when Shepard died. "He has suffered a lot, now you show up ... You have Shepard's memories, but you're not Shepard."

"I am Shepard, is the same body with the same memory."

"Isn't the same," she said angrily.

John understood what happened to her. Liara had always loved John. But John always rejected her for Kaidan. "I love him, and I will fight for him, and also I will help in this war." He said firmly. He would do everything possible to teach Kaidan that he could be that man that he still loves.

* * *

Kaidan entered his cabin and headed to bed. He lay down on it let his tears run free. He didn't understand why fate was determined to put John in his way. Last night he could feel something with Adrian, and now...

"Kaidan." Adrian entered the room.

Kaidan didn't speak his head ached a lot. Adrian got Kaidan's pills and gave them to him, and then he lay down beside Kaidan cradling him in his arms.

"I'm here for you ..."

"Why Adrian?"

"I don't know that man has more lives than a cat ..."

"Adrian! Kaidan could not help but laugh ..." Oh, my head. "

"Sorry, but it's the reality. Knowing you, you will end up in his arms, but at least I got what I always crave."

"Asshole ..."

"But lovely. Kay hey just be careful, you know he's not Shepard ..."

"I know. Hey stay awhile with me."

"Sure ..."


	2. Chapter 2

"Get up!"

John looked at Kaidan from the floor, now he wishes that Liara had trained him because he could not concentrate with Kaidan near him. Other than that Kaidan was being Kaidan's words to him were hard, when Kaidan was looking at him, John only see the glaze of a bitter man. In his memoirs, Kaidan was a man divinely sweet, loving, and warm. He remembered the nights Kaidan, secretly entered his cabin, and the two had sex like crazy. He would be a clone, but Kaidan Alenko was an asshole.

John got up from the floor, "I need a break." _A need a break from you Kaidan._

"I don't have all the time in the world to prepare you. Attack me I want to see you biotic working." Kaidan yell at John clone.

John was losing patience with Kaidan; he looked towards Garrus, and Adrian they were looking at them as if they were aliens, and then turned to look at Kaidan, who glared at him.

"I said, I need a break," John yelled at him, and then turned away from him and started walking toward the elevator.

"You say you're Shepard because you have his memories, but the real Shepard would not need a break," Kaidan said challenging him with his eyes, but John kept walking. "You know what, I'm fucking Adrian."

John stop walking, then he gave a short glare to Adrian, who was looking at him with terror in his eyes...

"I'm fuck Garrus," said Adrian.

"Yes you are."

John turn around, "what the hell you yes said to me?"

"You heard me, I'm fucking Adrian, and he is much better that John Shepard was in bed," Kaidan lied remembering the day that John told him, he could not stand the thought of another hand touching him. Kaidan was just looking to angry John enough for him to use his biotic, but Kaidan got more than he wanted.

John lit his biotic, creating a ball of energy in his hands, and threw to Kaidan, who was thrown against the railings which were next to the shutter. With abiotic charge John got to Kaidan in a second and grabbed him by the neck squeezing his fists, but when he was going to hit Kaidan Garrus stopped him. "Shepard no."

John turned off his biotic, and gave Kaidan an expression of grief, "I will be a clone, but you're a fucking asshole."

"John I-"

"Fuck you ... Go the hell Commander." John yelled at him before turning around and heading towards the elevator. At that time, he wished never to have awakened

Kaidan got up from the floor wiping the blood from his mouth, and looking at Garrus, and Adrian, who was looking at him in dislike "What?"

"What's wrong with you Kaidan?" Garrus yelled.

"I... I don't Know Garrus." Kaidan felt confused. John drew him out of control, but he was just right, he was acting like an asshole.

"Go and apologize to him." Garrus said seriously.

"Excuse me?" Kaidan said to his friend.

To all this Adrian was looking at Kaidan with surprise on his face. He loved the man, but he was with Garrus this time. "Kaidan Garrus is right."

"I don't have to apologize to anyone, is he the one who has to ask me for forgiveness, for leaving me twice." Kaidan yell at the two going towards the elevator.

"Kaidan you forget that he's not the Shepard who died defending the Collector, and he is a victim of Cerberus." Garrus said.

Kaidan turned around, "me too, or you forget that while he slept, I was living hell. Adrian follows me."

* * *

John entered the purgatory after Kaidan organize his papers he could be in the Citadel without any problem. Cortez had sent him an invitation, and he accepted. John needed a drink, he need to immerse himself in the alcohol to forget who he was, a copy of the man that everyone missed.

What Kaidan said a few hours ago about him, and Adrian hurt him deeply. John don't know, how to make Kaidan understand that he loves him as Shepard use to love him once.

John approached the counter where Steven was waiting for him. For a moment he doubts, Steven always looked at him with lust, but he was a man in need, and in spite of wanting Kaidan madly, this certainly was sleeping with the Doctor right now. John approached Steven, "Hey Steven."

"Shepard, how good you accepted my invitation," Steven greeted him, ordering a beer.

John grabbed the beer and stood next to Steven, facing the dance floor. The last time John dance that he remembers was with Kaidan in flux. John shook his head; he needed to forget about Kaidan, at least for tonight.

Steven moved closer to John touching his arm with John's. John looked at him straight in the eye. "I needed the distraction thank you."

"You're welcome Shepard, I like you a lot."

"Yes, I already realize that. Your gaze is quite expressive Steven." He saw the smile, in Steven's lips after saying that

The two continued drinking during the night, at one point the two were dancing, when Steven put his arm around John's neck, and kissed him. John responded to the kiss intensely. Maybe tomorrow will regret it what he was doing, but he was a human being, and John now needed to feel wanted by someone, although, that someone is not the man he loves.

Things move fast, at one point the two were kissing on the dance floor, and now the two were in the observation room naked fondling each other intensely. In his mind, John could only see the face of that the man he loves so much.

"Shepard ... God ... You are-"

"Intense?"

"Fuck yeah ..."

Steven kissed him, and John responded with anguish, "Kay ..." John whispered deep inside of him.

When he penetrated Steven, John had to muffle his moans with his mouth. He was drunk, and he was being particularly harsh. John just wanted to take the needs that he had as a man, but not with Kaidan he was always gentle with him. When he came John could not avoid saying Kaidan's name.

Steven listening but ignore him. He knew who Shepard honestly wanted. After a while, he put on his clothes, and left the room without saying a word.

John just stood naked lying on the sofa bed, thinking how empty that he still felt so different from his memories of the night with Kaidan, which he ended in his arms surrendered filled.

* * *

Kaidan fell exhausted, on the bed, trying to control his breathing, "Damnit Adrian."

"What ... You wanted me to be rude ... Come here," Adrian hugged his friend. He was trying to enjoy him before Kaidan returned to Shepard's arms because deep down, Adrian knew that those two will end up together. "I love you."

"Adrian I-"

"Hey, is all right," Adrian kisses him softly, "sooner or later you will end up in his arms. I'm enjoying myself now that I have you."

Kaidan looked at him tenderly, and then he put his head on his chest, "You're super Adrian. I'm so sorry I can't correspond to your feelings, I'm so confused."

"Baby, I saw in your eyes today you want him." Adrian said, stroking her hair.

Kaidan kiss his chest. He wanted to love this man, but he could not love Adrian, because, inside him Kaidan wanted to be with this new John. Kaidan was feeling exhausted, exhausted from fighting with itself. John already had a month on the ship, and the tension between them was too much. Tomorrow he would take him for the first time to the battlefield to Grissom Academy, and hoped that everything would go well. Kaidan thought he never give orders to Shepard, but fate was a foolish thing.

Adrian stroked Kaidan's back, feeling him loose in his arms, "You want me to leave Kaidan."

"No, Adrian, stay tonight. I don't want to be alone." The only thing he was doing was thinking when he was alone.

"Ok, try to sleep. You have a mission early morning."

Kaidan smiled at his friend and kissed him, "just one more time ..."

"You're greedy Major ..."

'You have no idea. "

* * *

The first mission with John happened without any kind of problem, to Kaidan surprise, John followed all his orders. They were able to retrieve the students of the academy. Working with John helps Kaidan feel more confident about he, but the situation between them, had not changed, they both felt extremely uncomfortable.

Kaidan knew what happened between him and Cortez, that hurt him, and he does not know why. He now has Adrian John was allowed to be with whoever he wanted to be.

He was getting ready they would arrive at the Citadel shortly, to leave student. Kaidan looked at his cabin and his bed empty. "Damnit." He got up from the couch and headed for the door running into John.

"John."

"Kaidan ... I wanted to talk to you."

"I don't want to talk to you, why don't you… just go with Cortez and-"

"I can't fuck believe this, you are angry at me because I slept with Cortez, you forget that you're sleeping with your Doctor." John said.

"You say you love me, and you went to have sex with another man," Kaidan yelled going back inside his cabin.

John followed him for a moment stared at the room, then he look at him, "Nice."

"I don't want ... I don't want any of this, I don't want to be Commander of this ship ... What I want ... I lost it. The only person who understands me is Adrian."

John looked at the tears in his eyes; he could feel the pain behind those words. Kaidan was wrong he could help him. If Kaidan could look beyond that face that he love, and see the new man who is standing in front of him, who loves him.

"I understand you Kay, and yes I was wrong in sleeping with Cortez, thinking of you," John saw him looking at him with amazement face. He approached him, "yes Kaidan I slept with Cortez wishing you. If you, whom I love."

"Shut up,"

"No, you're going to hear me now. You have all that pain inside you and yet you let Adrian comfort you. What about me?" John grabbed him by the cheek. They were both crying, "I have all those memories inside me haunt me day and night, I've had never been with you Kay, but yet I can still feel your touch on my skin.

"John I-"

"Damnit Kay I love you, why don't you let me be with you and prove it, not as Shepard, but as a new man who is died for you."

The two stared at each other for a moment. Kaidan wanted to hug and kiss him, to make love to him as he used to. If he could look beyond his body, then he remembered something Cerberus rebuilt John from the ground up his body also was new, and he would not have minded being with him, so why not.

"I need time I-"

"Kaidan," Adrian spoke from the doorway.

John walked away from Kaidan wiped his tears, and headed to the door looking at the doctor with hatred in his eyes.

Adrian approached Kaidan, "Kay."

Kaidan looked at him and hugged his friend, "I don't know, what to do Adrian."

"Follow your heart Kaidan."

What about you Adrian ... I can't do that to you. "

"I already told you, you've done me happy, but I'll be happier if you are, and I think that happiness is with him."

* * *

John was sitting in the observation room watching the stars, when the door opened, and Adrian entered. He headed toward Shepard and sat beside him. "I know you hate me, so I will be quick. I love Kaidan, but I know that somehow he loves you."

John looked at the Doctor, and saw the tears in his eyes, "I love him too."

"I know, Kaidan is stubborn, and you know it, so I'll give you the easiest way, from today Kaidan only going to be my friend, so fight for him, Kaidan needs you." Adrian got up from the couch and headed for the door.

"Thank you."

"Don't thank me; just make him happy Kaidan deserves it."

A few minutes later John came out of the elevator to Kaidan's room. He entered, Kaidan was lying in bed. "Kay."

"Just turn off the light, my head hurts."

John smiled turn off the light of the lamp, and after taking off his shoes, he lay down beside him, cradling Kaidan in his arms stroking the part where he had his implants. Gradually, John felt Kaidan loose in his arms.

After a few minutes, John felt Kaidan's hand touch his cheeks, and the two looked at each other. John joined his lips to Kaidan's kissing him tenderly. After the kiss, John the cover them both with the blanket, and gradually the two were falling asleep.

In the middle of the night, Kaidan awoke murmuring John's name, "hey I'm here." John hugged him tightly. It wasn't fair the weight that he now carried, but John would not let anything happen to him. From now on he will give him the support that Kaidan need to end this war together


	3. Chapter 3

Kaidan woke up early in the morning, and for a moment he forgot who was at his side as he was getting used to the warmth of Adrian's body, but what he were feeling now was much better, the arms that were cradling him felt much better, they felt right. He knew that those arms were not the one who once embraced him that calm breathing on his neck wasn't that one he felt before, but it felt damn right.

Kaidan didn't want to move he didn't want to get away from those arms -however, he wanted more from that man. Kaidan felt John's hands slowly lower down his waist arousing him. The way John was snoring is like the way Shepard use to do, but there was something totally different about this new person he was more expressive, more friendly. Overnight Kaidan could feel John tuck him in and kiss his cheeks repeatedly. He tried to move, but John pulled him closer to his body, "Where you are goings?"

"I thought you were sleeping," Kaidan replied.

"No... Just didn't want to ruin this. I'm afraid that you send me away from your side, and your warm and comfortable cabin," John said kissing Kaidan's neck.

Kaidan laughed, "Do you like the cabin?"

"Hell yes."

"You're welcome to stay ... I mean if you want to stay." Kaidan closed his eyes John's kisses on his neck were feeling fabulous and John's hand so close to his erection was driving him crazy if he does not lower his hand, Kaidan would scream in frustration.

John seems to have noticed that because he began to stroke him gently. He bit his lips after feeling the hardness in Kaidan, but he didn't like that they first time to be like this. John wanted to have a romantic evening with Kaidan. Do things with Kaidan that he had never done with the real Shepard. John was feeling fresh, yes he had the memories of Shepard, but he wanted to act differently, so with much effort John stops stroking Kaidan. "I think it's time we get up."

"Ah ... I thought you wanted to ... You know ..."

John smiled, "Oh, God, you don't know how much I want to be with you, but I don't like our first time to be like this. Tell me something, you want to go out to dinner, and dance with me tonight?"

"You think that is appropriate with everything that's going on outside?" Kaidan asks him still feeling excited.

"You have so much pressure, and don't deny I've felt it, tomorrow we go back to Tuchanka ... Please give yourself a night of rest."

"You're right. Okay we need to go down together at the Citadel, to Udina office, I want to see if they can give you the Spectre state," Kaidan said getting up from the bed.

"Kaidan no, I don't want it," John followed Kaidan hugging him from behind, "Kay I'm not Shepard, . I'm another that man I want to be different I want you and I to do things that you never did with Kaidan."

Kaidan turned around to look at him, "what do you want John, wipe Shepard from you? If you think about it you are-"

"No, Kaidan," john walks away from him, "I want to be another man. I don't want the title of clone all my life...I..."

Kaidan approached him, "Ok, you're right, but you need a-"

"Commander," Joker talk over the Comm.

"Yes Joker," Kaidan replied.

"Admiral Anderson wants to see you both in the Communications Room."

John and Kaidan looked at each other, "Joker ok gives us a few minutes."

"Very good commander."

"Joker!"

"Ok kaidan."

* * *

The two entered the communications room, after greet Victus, and Wrex. "Anderson," John greeting him it was the first time that he saw him since he woke up in that bed.

Anderson looked thoughtful for a moment, "well, this is estranging... I'm sorry seeing you remind me the son I lost. If you actually have the memoirs of Shepard, you will know what I'm talking about. "

John tried to blink the tears built up in his eyes, "I know," his voice sounded hoarse than he wanted. In his memoirs, Shepard loved him like a father.

"Right, I wanted to see the two of you to tell you, that the Admiral and I decided to give the rank of Major in the alliance. The last report of Commander Alenko tells us you are doing an admirable job, and you deserve. "

"Thanks Anderson." John said with surprise that was something that he wasn't expected.

"You're welcome son. Kaidan keep doing the excellent work you've been doing."

"You're welcome, just glad that we could save Kahlee Sanders for you."

"Yes, she and I were close," Kaidan says

"Sander says she misses you."

"I miss her too."

* * *

The two talked for a while more with Anderson, and then left the communications room, and they left the ship. John accompanied kaidan to run some errands during the day. They both felt a little uncomfortable by the looks of some people toward John. Everyone knew that the hero died, and now see someone identical to him walking around in the Citadel it was something estranges.

Then the two returned to the Normandy to take a shower before going out to dinner, John what was now waiting for Kaidan to get out of the bathroom, as he change in the observation room, and then brought his things with him.

John looked at the glass he held in his hand, thinking how strange was everything now. In his last memories, he was Commander, and now he is Major, but at least he was with the person he loves. John knew perfectly well whom he is. All those prying eyes that he felt today during his journey at the Citadel was reminded that he wasn't born of a human being; therefore, he didn't have a mother or a father, John was created in a laboratory. For a few months while he slept those scientific studied him as a lab rat.

Sometimes he thinks, what would have happened if he had woken up without the memories of Shepard. Yes, he didn't want to be Shepard, but he is grateful to have his memories and hasn't finished in Cerberus side, but despite everything, and that John have been fortunate that Kaidan have found him, he could not forget that he was a clone. John was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't notice when Kaidan stood in front of him until Kaidan remove the glass from his hand. John looked up meeting with Kaidan's confused look.

"John, you're okay?"

John got up Kaidan looked elegant dress in black, "Kaidan, you look beautiful tonight."

"You too, but you look thoughtful, what's up?"

John just grabbed him by the back of his neck, and kissed him tenderly for a moment, "I'm happy that's all. Let's go," John said, grabbing his hand.

An hour later the two were dining calmly in Apollo's cafe, Kaidan was telling him everything that happened in those two years Shepard's death, and how he met Adrian.

John ignored the curious glances, right now only the two of them mattered. "I have to admit, Adrian loves you."

Kaidan look sideways trying not to look at those blue eyes, "I know, but I always was honest with him, but if you had not appeared, maybe ..."

John felt that Kaidan was avoiding his eyes, and grabbed his hand, then Kaidan look at him. John could see an immense sadness in his eyes. Yes, since Kaidan found him in that lab Kaidan had been hard on him, hiding in a hard cover, which he created for himself, to make John believe that he was now a cold and empty person.

"Kaidan does you miss him?"

"Immensely," Kaidan replied with tears in his eyes.

"Kay ... Please ... Do you want me to be Shepard?"

"No, be yourself. John listen, I love Shepard, I love that man that gave me so much in so little time. Perhaps now what attracts me to you is, that you are and look like him, I think over time I may love you for yourself if I live after this mission-"

"Hey, I won't let anything happen to you. Maybe that are the reason I'm alive to watch over you."

"Like it an angel?"

"Yes, maybe life is giving you a gift, for all you have suffered. Kay I swear I'll do everything possible to win your heart."

John saw Kaidan smile, and that make him happy. Maybe that was his purpose in life to make this man happy, and if that is his mission, John going to fulfill it. The two continued eating dinner, and then left for a while to the purgatory.

There was almost the entire crew of the Normandy, and John felt a little uncomfortable because many of the old crew for Shepard not wanted him.

"Hey locos," James approached them, "Shepard I'm glad to see you out of the ship, and that the two get along better.

"Thanks James," John looked at Kaidan, "I am glad that Kaidan and I we're getting along better."

James turned to the counter to order a beer, the three were talking for a while, and then Liara approached John, "what are you doing?" Liara asked John, Kaidan was busy talking to James, and Adrian.

John looked at her a little confused, "I don't understand. What you're trying to say?"

"You know, Kaidan loves Shepard, not you."

Those words got out the Shepard who lived within it. "That's not your issue Liara, or what? It bothers you that Shepard comes back to life through me, and I still continue caring for Kaidan, and not for you."

"What ... No."

"So mind your own business." John turned away from her, and approached Kaidan grabbing his hand then took him to the dance floor.

The music was soft, so John hugs Kaidan tightly in his arms, and began to dance to the beat of music with him. "John you are okay?"

"I love you." John didn't let him answer, and kissed him so hard that his teeth clashed. John stroke Kaidan's back lowering his hands to Kaidan's ass tightening him more against his body feeling Kaidan's erection brush his own over the pants. The real Shepard never was capable of doing this in public with him, although he had wished, but that was the point right, do things that Shepard never had done. John felt satisfied, after listening Kaidan moan between his lips.

John directed his gaze to the counter at the bar, all of them were staring at them with their mouth open, especially James, so he continued kissing Kaidan, "I love you ... Alenko."

Kaidan trying to say something, but John would not let him talk he. Just continued kissing him. John tongue was all over hi mouth. Kaidan had never felt anything like it, even with the real Shepard. Knowing that all they were looking at them was turning him on more than what he was.

The music stop playing and Kaidan pull away from John trying to catch his breath. "Fuck," then looked at John, who was breathing heavily. Kaidan grabbed him by his hand dragging him out of the bar. Quickly the two reached the elevator, "out," Kaidan cry out to an Asaris who were in, then grabbed John by the collar of his shirt, throw him against the elevator wall kissing him intensely, at the same time he lit on his omytool, to use his Spectre status and stop the elevator.

John couldn't help but moan as he felt Kaidan's hand grasp his erection over his pants. He bit Kaidan's lips strongly, and then he took Command. He quickly turned him around so that Kaidan stay against the elevator's wall. Then under his lips to Kaidan's neck kissing him and biting his neck, as his hands undid Kaidan's pants, then entered his hand inside Kaidan's underwear grabbing his cock stroking quickly.

"Oh," Kaidan groaned. This was mad they were in the elevator, and Shepard had never done that with him, but Kaidan was enjoying it. Kaidan almost snarling when he saw John crouch in front of him, and lowering his pants and underwear enough to get his hard cock out and put in his mouth.

John began to suck his cock as his hand gave a circular motion around Kaidan cock. His other hand clenched filly Kaidan's ass. John could taste the liquid that came out of Kaidan's cock.

"Oh ... Shit ... John ... God ..." Kaidan under his hand to John's head moving his hips faster. "Fuck yeah John ..."

John pulled his cock from his mouth to pass his tongue over the top then enter it all in his mouth as he touched Kaidan's balls. John felt his erection shove his pants, but now everything was about Kaidan, he wanted to drive Kaidan crazy make him forget any other touch from someone out on his skin, and only remembered his touch.

Kaidan bit his hand trying to control his moans, but it was impossible, John was giving him the best blowjob of his life, and before he could warn him, he came in his mouth. His body began to tremble as the orgasm ran right through his body

John drank every drop that came out of his cock, and then got up passing his tongue over his lips, "well Commander, satisfied?" John asks grinning at him.

Kaidan's response was grabbing him by the back of his neck, and joins his lips with John's, "you have no fucking idea."

"I have a pretty decent idea. Now," John laughed between his lips, "put on your pants, we are still in the elevator."

"Oh shit ..." Kaidan quickly put on his pants looking a john pull his shirt out of his pants, "John let go to our cabin I-"

John kissed him quickly, "Is okay I know you will take care me, open the door."

Kaidan opened the door the two were still in purgatory. Kaidan meets with the look of James, and Cortez. Cortez looked at John, with his he touch John's mouth wiping a drop of semen from his lips.

Kaidan glare at Cortez, John realized Kaidan's jealousy and hugged him around the waist. "Baby I'm just yours," John whispered in his ear.

James smiled mischievously, "Commander, we had more than ten minutes waiting for the elevator. What happened?"

"James let it go," Kaidan said smiling blushing.

* * *

A few minutes later the two entered their cabin half naked despite having had an orgasm Kaidan was hard again. Quickly the two finished undressing. Kaidan, pulling John to the bed climbing on top of him, "John," Kaidan whisper in his ear.

"Kay, look at me," Kaidan did, "let me love you."

John roll him in bed and look into his eyes smiling at him, "You're gorgeous ... Just gorgeous Kay," john ran a finger along the line of Kaidan's chest, feeling him shudder. Then with his tongue one began to suck his nipples, his hand stroking his stomach softly. "Do you like it?"

"Yes ... Do not stop."

"Never." John started to kiss his chest slowly until his stomach, "Turn around for me baby," Kaidan did. John one began to kiss his shoulder as his cock brushed Kaidan's ass. He continued kissing him slowly down his back, listening to Kaidan moan. Slowly lowers his lips down his ass, kissing and biting him. John grabbed the bottle of lube smearing in his finger, slowly inserting one finger in Kaidan ass as he kept biting and kissing his ass. "Kaidan does you like it?"

"Oh, god yes ..."

John introduced another finger moving it quickly; he needed to be inside him, he could not take more, so he turned Kaidan around, and slowly introduced him, closing his eyes feeling his ass squeezing his cock.

John began to thrust slowly, "God Kaidan ..." He dropped his body on top of Kaidan, kissing him as he began to move faster, "baby your ass feels incredible ... Kay ... I love you."

Kaidan silence him with kisses, he wanted to match those words, but he could not. Something was true that now he was enjoying John without thinking of anyone else. Kaidan took his hands to John's ass pushing it; "John faster ..." The two began to moan. John grabbed Kaidan's cock stroking fast. His cock in his hands makes him more excited that what he was.

"John ... I..."

John started to move faster when he felt Kaidan cum in his hands, then he cum inside him, and then he fell yielded on Kaidan.

Kaidan started caressing his back, certainly the best sex he had in a long time, and yet Adrian was fabulous in bed, but this was much better.

John raised his head and brushed his lips against Kaidan's, "Do you like it?"

"I don't like, I love it."

"How I love you."

"John-"

"Is okay."

"Give me time John."

"Take all the time you need love I'll be here, I have not finished conquer you; now I just beginning commander."

"John, don't call me like that ... Honestly sounds weird coming from you ... Major," Kaidan said laughing.

"Hey, we're together ... Kay I don't want your job… just let me be with you, help you in your decisions."

"I will do something better, from tomorrow you're second in command of the ship."

"Are you sure?" John asks him as he brushes his lips with his.

"Yes John, I need your help, I can't deny that this is overwhelming."

"Hey, you got me now. The only thing is that, there people who don't like me."

"I'll talk to our crew tomorrow."

John smiled, and kissed him, then roll to the side, "we take a shower?"

The two got up from the bed to the bathroom, Kaidan, opened the key and grabbed the soap. John removed the soap from his hand, "let me do," John began to lather slowly, first his shoulders as he gave a kiss on his neck...

Kaidan turned, "you are charming."

"I told you, it's just the beginning ..."


	4. Chapter 4

John walk impatiently for his cabin waiting for Kaidan after what happened at the Citadel he wanted to be right now in Kaidan's arms. He took a look at the model of the ship that was in the box he wanted to open it, but that was a habit that Shepard had and he didn't want to look like Shepard, but he really wanted to assemble the model." Shit," he grabbed the model and began to assemble. That entertained him quite a while until he hears the door.

"I knew you'd end assemble John." Kaidan said upon entering the room

John looked at Kaidan, with a smile on his lips, "that was a trap?"

"You can say that, come here."

John approached him, "why? Because Shepard used to do it."

"No, because I've seen you looking at the other models, so I buy it as a gift for you... to you," Kaidan pointed at his chest, "no for Shepard, for you." He assured him

John grabbed him by his cheeks, "I adore you Kaidan you're so good to me."

"No, it was only a small gift, in appreciation for how lovely you are with me."

John joined his lips to Kaidan kissing him lovingly, "I felt scared today when we were aiming to each other with our weapons, because of Udina. I felt horror when I knew you were in danger in the Citadel."

This morning Kaidan had going down to the Citadel to talk to the Salaria Dalatras when Joker inform him that something was happening in the Citadel, and Kaidan could be in danger. John took command, and with Liara, and Garrus they could get to Kaidan who was trying to lead the council to save place after being attacked by Cerberus agent. Udina yell at Kaidan that don't believe in him that he was just a Cerberus agent, but Kaidan didn't believe in his words. John could not lose Kaidan he wasn't supposed to be alive, but he was, and it was only to love him.

Kaidan cradled him in his arms, "I want you to know that I did not believe, for a second in the lies that Udina said about you."

"I know I saw it in your eyes, thank you for your trust. I love you Kaidan, I don't know, what I would do without you."

"Live, you're a human being."

'Tell it to Liara she hates me. "To John it was hard to make her obey him, and he was tired of her haughtiness.

"I talk to her I don't want anyone to disrespect you."

'Yes, Commander, "John said smiling at him." Commander do you want a drink?" John asked with a bright smile.

"Stop calling me Commander."

"Hey don't tell me that does not sound sexy in my mouth," John said brushing his lips with Kaidan's

Kaidan laughed shaking his head, "yes that's true. Now fix that drink to your commander." Kaidan demand.

"That's an order Commander?"

"Yes, Major."

"As you wish is anything else you want my Commander?"

Kaidan directed towards the couch sitting down on it, "Now that you mention it your hands on my skin would be perfect."

John laughed going to the bottle of whiskey, then he served some drinks for two of them, John gave Kaidan his glass and sat beside him. For a moment, the two stared at each other. John grabbed Kaidan's hand caressing with his thumb for a moment. "Kaidan want do you want to do when this war is over?"

"That's what I wanted to talk with you. I want to start a family," Kaidan saw him lower his head; he grabbed his chin, "with you if you want."

"Of course I do nothing would make me happier." John finished his drink quickly then let go his hand pouring another, and filling Kaidan's glass.

"Do you want to get drunk John?"

"Why not, I'm happy to be by your side."

"Hey there's something I want to do?"

"What?"

"Just let me drink a little more."

John saw him finish his drink and remembered something that Shepard never did with Kaidan, but he knew it would cause some pain. "Kaidan tonight I want you to make me yours."

Kaidan quickly left his glass on the table, and grabbed John's glass putting it down, then grabbed his hand lifting it from the couch, and kissing him passionately. Shepard never let him possess him. Kaidan groaned between his lips leading John to the aquarium. "Woo Kaidan I didn't know you were so anxious, " John said then moaned loudly when Kaidan stroking his cock over his pants.

"You're winning the cards very well, John I'm falling madly in love with you."

John felt his heart beat faster, "wait ... Kaidan."

"Can't..."

"Please ... Please, tell me again what you told me."

Kaidan smiled looking at him straight in the eye, "I'm falling madly in love with you. Now can I continue? "

"Oh, yes you can ... My love."

John put his hands behind Kaidan's head closing his eyes enjoying his lover's lips on his neck, the moaned when Kaidan bit him. Kaidan kneel before him. John under his gaze and saw him open his pants and pull his cock, then put it in his mouth. "Kai ... Kaidan ... oh... "

The next morning John woke before Kaidan. His commander slept peacefully at his side face down. John began to stroke his back slowly than one began to kiss Kaidan's back. He is madly in love with this man, he could not think of a future if it is not with him. John felt when Kaidan put his arm around his waist then lifted his head to kiss him. Last night the two loved each other madly.

"Kaidan..."

"Yes love."

"Last night you made me very happy."

"You too."

After a while of giving affection to each other in the bed, they got up from the bed to the bathroom. Sometime later, the two left their cabin dressed in their uniforms. John grabbed Kaidan around his waist bringing his lips to his, "I'm crazy about you, so fucking crazy Kaidan, each day I love you more."

Kaidan laughed it was funny how after a night of intense passion Kaidan, could be excited with the proximity of his body. "You drive me crazy too, Major and ... I... I love you too."

Kaidan pull away, but John stopped him, "Kaidan I really love you."

"I know," Kaidan touched his cheeks he loves this John.

"I want the admiral to know about our relationship."

"John-"

"Please."

"Okay, if that reassures you I'll do it, let's go I'm hungry," but John stopped him again. "John-" John tenderly kissed him then let go, and entered the elevator. "God Damnit! Definitely you're going to drive me crazy.

After a few minutes, the two went to the mess room. Adrian talked to Cortez, and Garrus. Liara was drinking coffee.

"Liara we need to talk," Kaidan said seriously.

She looked at Shepard, "Shepard's clone did it go with gossip.

"Stop," Kaidan yelled putting his hand on the table in front of her.

"Kaidan-"

"I will not allow you to disrespect John on my ship." Kaidan scream louder.

John like all the other in the table stayed with their mouth open. Definitely totally different man than he remembered.

"Kaidan don't talk to me like that, no for him. He is a thing the Cerberus make in at laboratory."

John saw the anger in Kaidan's eyes and approached him putting his hand on his shoulder, "Kaidan calm down."

"No, John. Liara what the hell is wrong with you? John is a human being."

"Just because you're fucking him he's human now," she screamed getting up from the chair.

Kaidan shook his head laughing, "I see, you're jealous?"

She stopped walking to look at him, "of him I don't think so.

Kaidan grabbed John's hand," this man is much better than the Shepard -"

"Kaidan."

"You are blind Liara, for the love you felt for Shepard, Shepard was a despot, and arrogant man, however, John is the opposite he is a loving man." Kaidan said, looking at John, who smiled at him. The two would be identical, but I guess each one had their different personality.

"Shepard loved you, he did Kaidan I don't understand how you can do that."

John looked at her, "yes he loved him, and if I remember correctly what Shepard wanted more in his life was that Kaidan be happy, for that reason he saved him that day, so if Kaidan is happy now with me let it be, and stop being selfish." Liara's eyes filled with tears John approached her, "Look at me," she did," if my memory does not fail me Shepard loves you like a sister, please in honor to Shepard's memory, let don't fight anymore." She nodded then retired to his room, John looked at the others at the table, "so who wants omelet?"

"I think we all do John," Kaidan said, smiling.

John headed to the stove, to fix breakfast, Kaidan sat at the table with the others. John first coffee fix for Kaidan taking it to the table. "Thanks John." John kissed him on his forehead coming back to the stove.

Garrus looked at Kaidan, "I like this Shepard much better."

"Me too Garrus ..."

###

Hours later the two were in Kaidan's apartment in the Citadel, enjoying their day off. John leaned back on the railing of the balcony trying not to remember the moments that Shepard lived in that apartment with Kaidan; he could not deny that he felt uncomfortable.

Kaidan seemed to notice his discomfort because he approached John, with two beers in hand, "John you are okay?" John smiled, trying to hide what he was feeling, "nothing"

"Do not lie, I know you very well."

"Do you know me or Shepard?"

"John Please I 'm talking about you."

John sighed, he could not hide Liara's words, and those of Udina affected him. His eyes filled with tears, "For more I want to fool myself I know who I am, I see it in every look they give me."

Kaidan grabbed his chin. "do you see it in my eyes?

John looked at Kaidan straight into his eyes, what he saw touched his soul, it was the same look that once he gave to Shepard, "no."

"So don't give attention to people's sights they do not see what I see, my angel."

"You're Angel?"

"Yes, you remember what you told me in the Citadel that maybe, life sent you like an angel to me."

"Yes, I remember."

"Well, you are, you have given meaning to my life again John, and I don't want to lose you, I don't want to lose what we have, so I ask you Shepard is dead let's leave him where he is, and be happy you and me. "

John looked at Kaidan tenderly, "yes Commander, what you order."

"You really sound sexy when you call me Commander, I love you."

John could not ask for more to life. A life borrowed that fate gave him. To feel Kaidan in his arms telling him he loved him, it was more than what he'd asked for. "I love you."

"Never leave me, if I lose you I would lose everything."

John kissed the top of his head, "I'm not going anywhere."

"John, you want the command of the ship."

"No, all that I want I have now in my arms it's you."

"Poetic."

"Only with you."

"Let go to bed for a while I got a few beer in front of the bed."

"Good idea."

The two entered the room John took off his shirt lying with his head at the end of the bed, "baby gives me a massage." Kaidan laughed grabbing the oil that he had in his nightstand, Kaidan knelt on top of him in applying the oil on his back listening to him complain. "John you're hurt?" Kaidan asks him after see a bruise on the back of your shoulder

"Yesterday one of the agents hit me, but I'm fine, really ... Just ... ah, just like that baby." John closed his eyes enjoying his hands, feeling that he had felt before, but, not in that body, and by his memoirs he already knew where that massage would end. Kaidan hands caressing his skin that way it had aroused him. "

Kaidan, I have an idea, lie down. "

Kaidan smiled lay on his back, then looked at John take his pants and removed his. John grabbed the oil smearing oil on Kaidan's cock then one began to rub gently. He saw Kaidan close his eyes. "Open your eyes look at your cock in my hands." John began to rub him faster his hand slipping off with the oil, and Kaidan the pre cum.

"John ... oh."

John stopped stroke him climbing on top of him to kiss him with passion while provocation moved his hips so that their erections brushed together. They groaned heavily. Kaidan grab John's ass making the brush of their cocks most intense. "John I..."

John grabbed their cocks rubbing them together until they both reached orgasm together. Then John, I look at him stroking his cheek. "For your smile I don't have to ask you if you liked."

"God you are wonderful John Sh-"

"Alenko let me use your name."

"Alenko you're amazing ..."

"You too ..."


End file.
